Friday, February 27, 2015

Buckets, Bruises, and Brazilians

Weekends are the worst. There. I said it. Don't get me wrong - working outside doing projects with our wannabe-lion Chihuahua and the babe, Tarzana, is incredible. But the mere fact that EVERYONE has the day off means that anything posted on Craigslist is attacked like a Big Mac swaddled in Bacon and tossed into a Sarlacc pit (and for those non-Star Wars nerds, please pretend I said "piranha". Don't judge me).

So there I was, staring aimlessly at our new lawn while 'weeding' the yard (aka avoiding other chores). I decided to check Craigslist, you know, just in case. I muttered the ever important refrain "don't get attached" before starting to peruse the list.  And there it was. "White Landscaping Rocks", posted 22 mins ago. I took a deep breath (don't get attached), and replied. A short 37 mins later (I only checked my email 14 times in between) I got a response "Come and get it! Others interested!"  I grabbed my keys, told the pup to keep an eye on the babe, and shot out the door. Since my bro was still using the trailer as an oversized-trash can, it would be up to me and the trusty buckets again.

Upon arriving at the new house, I found an awesome guy who looked like he could be a new best friend, talking nothing but soccer, college football, and Harry Potter other manly things. He grabbed a bucket and helped me start to load the new landscaping rocks. He and his wife had decided to get rid of it and purchase all new landscape rocks (how unadventurous). His wife then joined us. I quickly noticed an accent and asked where she was from. She responded "Brazil". I smiled and replied "Você é Brasileira?" ("You're Brazilian?" in Portuguese). She laughed and we proceeded to speak Portuguese for about 30 seconds before her husband finally had a light switch flip and said "Whoa - you speak Portuguese???" Apparently he didn't. But their relationship
at least explained the interest in soccer.

After 2 short trips filling up the back of my truck beyond safe levels (and sustaining several bruises from smacking buckets against the side of the truck to separate them), the acquisition was complete.

The Rocks
Before: Front Entry Way

 Now if we can just get some plants that don't mind being watered every year or so...
Maybe a path next to the grass..

Monday, February 23, 2015

Sod - There and Back Again

It was Tuesday morning. 9:37 AM. I had just decided to accept that this was going a fruitless week (sorry, work), when I decided to jump on Craigslist. All of a sudden there was a light beam bursting forth from the computer screen, with a peaceful angelic hum surrounded my soul: "Sod - Come and get it". The poster had provided both an email and a phone to text.  I usually don't like to text Craigslisters- I've created a Hotmail account for all Craigslist interaction (for scam purposes), but haven't risen to the level of awesomeness that is the additional phone number. But, for sod, totally worth the potential scammers texting me to get $20 sunglasses every day.  I shot off my hasty text and instantly got a reply - "Come and get it tonight - but did you read the whole post?"  Of course I didn't. It said "Sod". I said "Okay". How complex could it get? I scanned the remainder of the post: "200 sq feet of sod. Must take pile of dirt and debris as well." I pondered for .207 seconds and replied "Yep! Sounds great." I quickly reached out to my brother, who was borrowing the trailer and the time, and discovered it was currently full of trash. For some reason he wasn't interested in leaving work and taking it to the dump. So, just the Truck. No Prob.

That evening I headed downtown to track down my new sod, feeling like I was finally going to reunite the long-lost twin of my other recent adoption (see Sod part 1: "The Holy Grail"). I pulled up to the house and saw a MOUND of dirt, and a haggard, dried up pallet of Sod. The poster met me outside, took 1 look at my truck, and said "Good luck" and walked inside.

Bring it on.

I shoveled that whole dump pile, filling the back of my truck with a load of dirt, and finally looked over at the sod. I slowly covered the dirt mountain with roll after roll of dry sod, and finally tied the whole thing down. My truck looked like I was hauling an oversized Volcano science project, ready to burst at any moment. As I got in my truck to drive off, the guy walked out with three giant trash bags. "I don't know where you're going to fit this, but it's the debris". With a sly smile, he dropped them at my feet and walked off. I looked around, sighed, and threw them in the cab of my truck.

After another late night, we were pretty happy with the result!

Before Pic 

 1st half
 Finally complete!

Saturday, February 21, 2015


From Day 1 I've been looking for flagstone rocks to make a pathway of awesomeness. However, since posts for Flagstone disappear faster than my prom date in High School, I'd all but given up.  One morning, as I signed in to work, I randomly checked Free Craigslist and my jaw dropped. "Free Slate Rock - 3 yards". After hitting reply 7 times, my computer decided it could ignore me no longer and complied. With my email shot off, I sat back to soak in the day. Almost instantly I got a reply that said "I've got 8 other people interested. When can you be here?" I quickly replied "I'll be there at lunch!" and with that, secured the deal.  Then a thought crossed my mind - "What the heck is SLATE?" I suddenly realized that what I was inquiring after was not my Dream Weaver known as flagstone.  Luckily, a quick Google search showed me my latest conquest was still actually pretty cool. It wasn't the "Apple" of landscaping rocks - but maybe a solid "Kindle Fire". Different, but good. And 3 yards of it? That's like a never ending supply. Woot.

When I arrived at the site, I was happy to discover a MASSIVE pile of slate rocks in front of this beautiful home.  There's nothing better than leftovers from a family who's decided they're bored with their current yard. I busted out my shovel and started at it. However, after about 15 minutes I noticed an interested development. As I skimmed the top layer off the entire pile, underneath I found what can only be called blackish sand (technical term).  I probed and probed and quickly realized I had been hoodwinked. After allowing my slate dreams to shatter like the Death Star in Episode IV, I took my bucket and headed for home. I found the perfect location (and only place small enough to house my new slate rock), laid it out, and called it good.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

The Holy Grail

There are easy things to get on Craigslist (couches, dirt, scams) and there are hard things (bricks, river rocks, a life-sized Legolas Cardboard cut-out).  There are still a few items I want that I haven't been successful at getting yet (a waterfall-pond), but the hardest thing I've actually gotten was SOD.  SOD. Seriously. Grass.  Now everytime I drive by a park I think "man, I could totally come here at night with a shovel and score some grass.  WHO THINKS THAT WAY? People on a $0 budget, that's who. You're welcome.

It was a cold, winter night. I'd just put the babe to bed, and the wife was just turning on a re-run of "The Amazing Race".  Just for fun, I checked Free Craigslist and saw it. SOD. Posted 5 mins ago.  I clicked and responded like a madman "ILL Take iT!!!". Within 10 mins they wrote back with their address - I'm not sure if I'm more proud that I had the quickest draw, or more concerned looking back that the poster wasn't sufficiently creeped out by my 10:37 PM response to just say "Uh, no".  So, at 11 PM I headed to Sacramento and loaded my truck with heavy, soggy sod.  The house was dark and they had requested to not be disturbed, so I worked in silence, leaving muddy footprints as I heaved more and more rolls into my Tacoma. On the way home, I called my bro for advice on laying sod. After about 2 mins of trying to explain best methods, he gave up and decided to just come over, as long as I promised to supply the Dr. Pepper 10. As that is my #2 drink of choice, I agreed.

After about an hour of hard labor, it was complete - we had a "lawn"  *cough*. Well, half a lawn. Just enough to look thoroughly unfinished.

Rocks and Lawn

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

River Rocks - The Gemstone of Free Craigslist

If you ever want to get rid of ANYTHING on Free Craigslist, just put the words "River Rocks" in the title.  Seriously.  It can be two river rocks and a pile of chewed-up Tauntaun toys, and you'll have 50 people at your door before lunch.

My backyard adventures started there. Anytime I saw the word "river", or "rock", I'd click and reply 'On my way'!  9 times out of 10 I was too late, and the one time I wasn't, they ended up living just around the corner from Middle Earth.  But, alas, after about 30 tries, I FINALLY scored some river rocks. I feel like I was picked for The Price is Right.

Oh. My. Gosh. That is by far the worst job ever, especially when you don't have a trailer. I've been a janitor at a hospital, literally lugging around body parts - this was worse. And since my brother, Davey, had conveniently borrowed the trailer, I was stuck using just my truck. Wheelbarrows and trucks don't go together. At all. This meant I was filling bucket after bucket by hand.  By the end, I was pretty sure I'd rather just take plain old 'normal' rocks and sit and sand them down if that meant I never had to see another bucket. Stupid River Rocks. Why do you have to be so awesome.

Got home, unloaded a pile of rocks, and looked at my yard and laughed.  Only 457 more trips to go.

Before Pic
Project in Progress - Totally leveraged the wife and the babe for this one!

The Beginning

Landscaping is hard work, requiring lots of time, energy, skill, and money.  I have none of those. So, fueled by Mountain Dew, Hot Cheetos and a project light, join me in my adventures to re-do our backyard almost entirely off of Free Craiglist!

Here's the story - My wife and I bought our starter home 5 years ago - a foreclosed home in the Greater Sacramento area. We spent those first five years slowly fixin' up the inside of the house just to make it livable. Mid-journey, my wife decided to have this miniature version of herself join our family. The babe is now 2, and needs no caffeine to be faster than a rampaging rhino on the African plains.  She has recently decided that life is best worth living outdoors.  Unfortunately for us, our 'yard' is a 1/3 of an acre of wild terrain that provides rocks, dirt, and rusty nails as playmates. How the heck are we gonna re-vamp our yard on a budget of $0? Not possible, right?

Challenge Accepted.

I now live on Free Craigslist, fighting the hoards for anything remotely related to landscaping materials, trusting in my Tacoma and a beat-up trailer to get to the locations 5 mins before the next guy and be gone with little-to-no interaction with the lister. After a month of this, I've decided this is ridiculously awesome, and want to share this journey with the world.

Quick disclaimer - I stink at landscaping.  If you're on this site to get great "Pinterest-y" ideas on how to make your yard sparkle like a fresh jewel on top of Queen Elizabeth's crown, just hit the 'back' button and run. However, if you'd like to laugh along with me as I show you our many failures (and some successes), sit down, grab a MD, and enjoy the ride.